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Jackie Northam. Fatma Tanis. Saudi women wait for their drivers outside a hotel in the Saudi capital Riyadh. The White Foam Cafe in Riyadh is a cheery little place with wooden tables and chairs, and a good reputation for its fair-trade coffees and vegan desserts. It’s also well-known for something else. She’s wearing stylish high-heeled shoes and a black abaya, a traditional floor-length cloak.
But her flowing hair is not covered. She asks NPR not to use her name for fear her family would find out about her dating past.
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In Saudi Arabia’s rigid past, religious police once swooped down on rose sellers and anyone peddling red paraphernalia around Valentine’s Day, but now a more open — albeit risky — dating culture is taking root. Pursuing relationships outside of marriage in the conservative Islamic kingdom once amounted to a death wish, and would-be Romeos resorted to pressing phone numbers up against their car window in hope of making contact with women.
Now a sweeping liberalization drive — which has rendered the religious police toothless and allowed gender mixing like never before — has made it easier for young couples to meet in cafes and restaurants. Well-heeled millennials also hunt for romantic liaisons via Twitter and Snapchat, and apps such as Swarm — designed to log places the user visits but often repurposed to look for dates.
Pre-marital relationships remain a cultural minefield though in a country steeped in Islamic tradition and where matchmaking is typically overseen by family elders, forcing couples to keep unsanctioned romance under wraps. Covert dating operations illustrate how Saudi Arabia’s mainly young population is often compelled to lead dual lives in the pursuit of social liberties that may outstrip the kingdom’s capacity for change.
Samirah, a year-old finance executive in the Saudi capital, felt a flutter of nerves when her boyfriend’s mother stumbled upon a handwritten birthday card and gift she gave him — and that risked her own family finding out. In a society where family honor is often tied to female chastity, the revelation would have provoked fury from her family and jeopardized their months-long courtship that began through common friends.
Her boyfriend managed to deflect his mother, but the scare prompted the young couple yearning for more freedom to plan a forbidden rendezvous — a long weekend in Dubai disguised as a business trip. In scenes unimaginable until just two years ago, women have been seen swaying on the shoulders of men at music concerts as the kingdom tears down the walls of sex segregation. But while the religious police have stepped back, the internal policing within Saudi families and society at large has not stopped, highlighting the limits of a Western-style liberalization drive in a deeply conservative country.
A Saudi woman in her late 20s told AFP she suspected her “control freak” brother, who works in the military, had deployed official spyware to track whether she was meeting men. Just because you are willing to go on a date does not mean you have a loose character. Saudi women also bridle at pervasive sexism in a society that — despite undergoing change particularly in urban areas — some say reduces them to their future role as wives and mothers.
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